he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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