My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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