someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I woke up under a house in Key West
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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