His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
