I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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