it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
