they need to just BURY HIM!
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
