my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
