You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
