We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize