True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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