All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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