My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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