I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
