If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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