is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
