i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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