Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
