Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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