Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
