Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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