I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
