Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
