There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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