Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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