Betty ford says i'm here all night
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
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He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
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Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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