If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
