I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
