i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
