Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
