yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
