She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
