what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
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