I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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