i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
