He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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