Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
