I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
