I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight