Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no