I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.