I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
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If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
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pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.