Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
