I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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