I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
smell my finger.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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