Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
