I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
