Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
