you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
