Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
