What a fucking waste of an outfit
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
