Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
