She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
