Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
