Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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