I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
