he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
