Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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