i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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