If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
