I am spending my child support on dildos
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Randomize
