She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
