i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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