I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I am spending my child support on dildos
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
