STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
