Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
whose ass print is on the piano?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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