my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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